The Meaning Of Liff

Set of new words to define  weird / absurd yet frequent situations ,  all at one place - The Meaning Of Liff

Some interesting picks :-

BURTON COGGLES (pl. n.)
A bunch of keys found in a drawer whose purpose has long been forgotten, and which can therefore now be used only for dropping down people's backs as a cure for nose-bleeds.

CLIXBY (adj.)
Politely rude. Bliskly vague. Firmly uninformative.

DOGDYKE (vb.)
Of dog-owners, to adopt the absurd pretence that the animal shitting in the gutter is nothing to do with them.

DRAFFAN (n.)
An infuriating person who always manages to look much more dashing that anyone else by turning up unshaven and hungover at a formal party.

KETTLENESS (adj.)
The quality of not being able to pee while being watched.

ELY (n.)
The first, tiniest inkling you get that something, somewhere, has gone terribly wrong.


And the list continues ....

PS: Have a good laugh 

Again Random Thought

A friend has quit her job and is planning to open a Chicken Biryani center .

Naamkaran starts in mind and below is the outcome

Name : Kodis and Kukkads

Logo: A chicken using Ipad2  (beak touch enabled) 

P.S: Have a nice day.

127.0.0.1

On every home visit mom being mom complained about my weight gain/loss .This time after some physical examination , calculations and scrutinised stares she concluded ...i have lost HEIGHT !!

I still can't stop loling about it . Mom being mom made me stood against the wall and marked the scale , which was 2 inches less than the original mark ( now i have no clue when did she mark the original ..to my surprise i see ,3 more marks -dad's , bro's and mom's height herself) . I think she is taking evolution too seriously .

Parliamentary visits :

 Apart from that i went in search of Agarsen Ki Baoli and ended up in Jantar Mantar ...nevertheless will hunt that step-well some other time

Jantar Mantar-1



Yantra Mandir, Delhi





Ram Yantra at Jantar Mantar, Delhi

Oh yes //TODO - travel in Delhi metro ( i know this should have happen long back ---but then they say: its never too late and der aye durust aye etcetra )

PS0: No , author did not loose height

The Two Sides Of A Camera.

Being in front of camera is not  new , but  in a filmy way with crowd gathering around must be an experience.

Yes ,it is and author's first experience with remarks on that front-  " Yeh kaun si heroine hai , kabhi dekha nahi".

Place of Shoot : Majestic  and random galis near by , to get that true "Indian look".
Behind the Camera :  Subhash Sharma  , William ( Billy Pena)  freelance photographers
Reason : DKOM trailer clip
Kind : Two video sequences, one time-lapse

How was it : New found respect for actors . To act or stay focused , or even  stare  at those black lenses for 5 minutes continuously and still be yourself or the character is a tough  a Job !

And of course i have found a new route to bliss.Meeting new people makes one really happy .

Enjoy the frames from other side of my local Digi cam,from a local trip  to  Dandeli.
Readers discretion advised , who will eventually  thank author for some serious rofling.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCyfF5HZ_VE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HkRlk4mDegM

How I Met Your Father

 Author is hooked to HIMYM sitcom and going by reputation of forgetfulness , has decided to pen down some relationship gyaan.

Disclaimer1 : Some content of this post is inspired from friends experiences also and some facts are spiced up for high trp .But the fabrication is not rosy bullshit  from cliche rom-coms  , but is stark , truth .

Disclaimer2 : Author will not entertain any kind of gossip or cheesy teasing or "hollow" linkups .Mind it !!

kids, i met your uncles x,y,z......
(hmmm now i am wondering ......ummm , ok  let me stick to to-the-point fundas)

1. Execute on your crushes quick . Always start with friendship and not take the direct leap.But do take the leap before its too late.
2. Never date your best friend , NEVER.Loosing crying shoulders is pathetic.Unless....hmmm, whatever ,you will still mess it up.
3. The Flirts and Casanovas are good to hang around  when u are younger and NOT looking for commitment.
4.  Yes, all Men have "Moves" , some can just melt the toughest of you like butter , you wont even realize  when your hatred turned into adulation and that is when you might  get dumped.
5.  Do not equate "I love uou" to "I will marry you" ,  especially if they have koochi cooed it to you hundred times. If they really mean it they will say it just "once" and will do something about  it.
6. Trust me ,looks has got nothing much to do with Love , it could be the initial trigger , but as long as you have your personality  and hormones intact , chemistry is bound to happen.
7. Do not buy romantic comedies , there is no "happily ever after" . Every person changes with time and  so does every relation.
8. Men love to chase, so let them , the day you give in , the chase is reversed .
9.  Women are meant to be loved and cared . But nothing comes with life time warranty.Drop your expectations !
10. Do not play with anyone's emotions knowingly or unknowingly , coz when it breaks it hurts , bloody it hurts.
11. Time is the biggest healer.Every one can get-over anyone and can move-on , but you gotta stop at some point .
12. Some men are jerks and the worst part is they will never realize this .(Never get seriously involved with the "uncle Barney" kinds , they are mostly interested in your boobs and not what lies underneath them).Unless you are looking for similar unhooked fun.
13. Do not build on false hopes for long , they will just burn your youth years in seconds .
14. Being madly loved wins over loving someone madly . Though true love is mostly unrequited (Its always the quest and not possession which drives you towards it). Successful couples are often friends who are aware of each others unrequited fables.
15. You will have regrets , but believe me nobody waits forever .
16. Do not mess up with your friends girl/guy.
17. Start young , so that  when you really find some one later , you are not fooled in doing so or have the maturity to deal with the win or loss . ( Iss umer mein bhi khavoge dhokey,  dil to bachha hai jee... playing in the back ground)
18. Value the ones who really really loved you , give them a chance .But back off if they turn out to be obsessive /possessive kinds.
19. Believe in institution of marriage , commitment  phobia  will  make you paranoid even towards your soul mate ( btw,  soul-mate is highly overrated ). And if you are able to do so tell me HOW?
20.  In spite of above all , if you managed to get lucky ,then hold on to him/her and never-ever let go .Its rare , so grab with both your hands.

Readers ,  feel free to add to the list . Those who haven't experienced even 3 of  these syndrome , not sure whether to  pity you or envy you to have been way to lucky and untouched .

PS0: Re-posted on demand .
PS1: Oh "the father" btw , is a good boy ;)
PS2: And the count down begins.......  ;)

From loneliness to lost self

Dedicated to a dozen of friends who are getting married or have recently tied the knot.

Arz kiya hai

Dostana , Yarana bahut hua

Zindagi ab  humsafar dhoonde.

Mein , mera bahut hua

Ab , tu , tera , tujhe dhoonde.

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After 

Yaroan se miley zmana hua

Zindagi ab phoorsat dhoonde.

Ab tu , tera  bahut hua

mann mein , mera , mujhe dhoonde.

-Yours truly, clueless

Money Matters

Seeded from a visit at -“The last 10 transactions on my online account “.Only debits.

Straight from the heart , the author presents -"Recession ki Maar ".

Bade dino se credit ka column khali hai
Janoo mein , na lottery lagee
Na hee ajj pehli takreekh hai.

Bijlee ka lamba bill,
Ghar ka kiraya , deposit ka saya
Uff bada nazuk hai yeh dill
Withdrawal phir bhee ,zoro se jaree hai .

Mobile pe outgoing roz
Gadgets ka kharcha ,
Internet pe 1 GB download
Zaroori , par salary pe meri bhari hai .

Is shahar ki mehangyi ,
Cheezo ke badhatey dam ,
Jodun mein sirf , roti kapda aur makan
Yaaro , Kahey ka aram ,
Jeb meri halkee ,
Aur bank account khali hai .

Janoo mein , na lottery lagee
Na hee ajj pehli takreekh hai….
Na hee appraisal ki baree hai....

After pigeons and pimples , third attempt on witty poetry.

PS: None !, just read the above poem na.

Meltdown in Phd.....

comics.
Pink slips overrated ?Every minute we r bombarded with so much info from all the directions that everything seems to be overrated . Yes we know it’s happening. But then a lot of things are happening per minute(or such stats) around the globe.
Does anybody has a DIRECT friend being layoffed (touch wood, fingers crossed and all). Of course everybody has a friend whose friend’s friend is kicked out.
Anyhows, have ur laughs below.
yes , readability is just a click away :P

http://www.phdcomics.com/comics.php?f=1077 for those who think only hyperinks can do some uddhaar to this civilization.

ps0:None
ps1:Seriouly none.Stop scrolling!

And Finally

We broke up. It has been 2.5 years. Wonderful moments were spent together , thyself shall always cherish them. But then, we both knew, we were growing apart. It’s time to move on. For quite some time it has all been adjustment-compromise-favors-tolerance that kept dragging us in the vicious circles of emotional turbulence. I am stoned now .The inquisitiveness wasn’t off concern , but off prying .How long I could have carried that fake smile and pretended to look blissful with you ?We knew it was a mess , but I kept dragging with a faint hope, that… maybe we can together work this out. Trust me, I tried, u never reciprocated .
Now I am sure , it was all wrong , I was wrong, my choices were wrong , I fell for the wrong, may be u were the best then ( I was blinded), but surely not the most trusted one now.
I was warned ! from outside , from inside . . I was such a fool
You never cared ,did u ?
Took me for granted, dint u?
You were never there when I needed you the most, were u?
I was such a fool.Its hurts .................................................

I was such a fool ……………………….to choose LG m4410 as my-technically-first-mobile

Ps0: Zameen pe leytkey hassney wala smiley.
Ps1:Zorse hasney wala smiley.
Ps2:Zeebh nikalkey chidhane wala smiley aka :P

Battery was replaced , shortcomings were overlooked (I tired, dint I?)
within few months you r back to i-need-more-power-charge-me-every8hours state. endurance has been crossed .
Sorry m4410 , but I am seeing somebody else ……still in the R&D state, but soon will zero in .

ps3:hehehehe wala smiley, maja aya na?

ps4: i knw , we all are attached to our teleephoons , be it bad , be it good.

Gags

pre-ps/note: click to be able to see the textual content in each:

By now u must have rendered those grad days...with some famously infamous profs.
Note: Below content is purely CtrlC+CtrlV of an incident described by some juniors in one of the communities dedicated to one of our most popular saar:-


He comes with a stagger in his walk that could rival Will smith's [or chiru's in shankardadaMBBS for that matter]. Now this man just cannot go past a group of students without interacting with them and giving them a point to laugh at about for a week. and that day, it happened to be Andy. So here we go..

Prof M: aaan U, yes u only maan..Andy Raaz(it is Raj which prof conveniently converted to raaz , like he does to the Jebras in the Joo from Jimbabwe)...Please come here.
Me(Andy): Yes sir, how can I help u?[courteous me]
He then proceeds to ask me some CAD Lab viva before he puts forth the million dollar question..
Prof M: I believe u have Eunuchs book with you?
Me(Andy):*wide eyed, Dumbstruck, bewildered and what not!!!#@@!#
Prof M: If you have books of eunuchs I would want to take them from u, I think I am slowly beginning to like it. First I thought it was varryy varry complex, but now u see as I learn them slowly, I think it is varrry nice.
Me(Andy): Still in a stoned state....dumbstruck and bewildered
Prof M: Kindly, if u don’t mind, please get me book on Eunuchs...see the Library has very few books on it...
Me(Andy): Sir, Eunuchs...what makes u think I have books on Eunuchs???
Prof M: U will have no, last week I saw Linux books in yuvar hands only no. So u should have eunuchs books also, cos from Eunuchs only,Linux came...
Bolt of lightning strikes, cloud forms over andy'shead, bulb flickers n gets switched on and finallyAndy attains Nirvana.
“Prof M was talking about UNIX and he kept saying UNUX forUNIX and me perverted me, kept thinking Eunuchs.....hehehehe .But believe me, the way he said it, I was not the only one who fell prey.Had Linus Torvalds heard the last line..."From Eunuchs only , Linux came"...only godknows what he would have done to himself.So all u ppl learning Unux & Zava !!! all the best...”

Ps:Hahaha
Ps1:Hohoho

ps2:Hehehe